Ken

"I'm miserable."

"You always have been miserable. What's the difference now?"

"Nothing. I just thought of telling you that to satisfy your sleepless conscious which tells you I may not be miserable. Of course there's a difference. Everything is different."

"Just because you want to be miserable in the form that things never change doesn't mean that things will not change. You can be miserable then and you are miserable now, but the fact is things will always change, people change, life changes."

"Really, then explain the damn pain I'm feeling now! You people always think I was miserable, I looked miserable, I dressed miserable, I needed misery. You're wrong! Sometimes in life there's more to being happy, it's being content. Content with who you are, content with things as the way they are and content with everything around you. Change is never for the better yet people change. Why? Because they are not content, they're not even close. Misery is just an excuse to hide the fact that people can never be content with their own lives."

"People change because they are miserable and, or content. That doesn't change anything."

"Yet it changes everything. See the irony?"

"So what are you telling me now? You're miserable because you're not content, or you're miserable because the person you love can never be content?"

"Oh, don't go there. This has nothing to do with love."

"Really? Then why are you telling me all this?"

"Because...I'm content, but I'm miserable. You do the math."

"If...If you think that you're miserable and she is not, then I guess...it changes everything."

"Exactly."

"People rely on other people. They need other people. I guess when you're content you've basically have nothing else to live for...except for the people you're content with and not yourself. Wow, I've never looked at it that way before."

"Life sucks, huh?"

"Yeah...Oh my God, have you been feeling this way all the time?"

"Misery is just another word of saying 'I'm not happy', what people don't see is that it also says 'I am content'. That's the beauty of it."

"So what're you going to do about it?"

"I'm the anchor that's pulling the ship down, I always have been. Everything else makes her happy, I make her happy too."

"But you're not content with happy."

"Everyone else doesn't upset her, I make her sad. Do you know what an ideal life is?"

"Having a beautiful wife, great kids, a satisfying job, and a normal life?"

"You idiot. It's having the person you want the most, and just forgetting about everything else. Society is screwed up. Everyone else is screwed up. An ideal life is when you put aside everything else and just...live with the one you love."

"Not everyone can get that you know. You're miserable...Wait a minute, you're not even content. You want that, meaning you're not content with what you have right now."

"You're missing my point! I'm in pain! You think I'm not content because I want something more! The fact is I already have that. The only part that is incomplete is the..."

"Other half..."

"Go home. Go back to your wife, get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Change. Misery needs company. Maybe it's time to let go."

Ken

I feel like I'm dying. I don't know what I want, what I'm searching for, what is this, what everything means.

Options are not really options, there is no solution.

Maybe I don't make the right choices, maybe I don't take on the right paths, maybe I don't make the best of decisions.

I strive for perfection, every little bit of it. I imagine it, I picture it, I want it, but perfection itself may be imperfect. I might not know, maybe that is not what I want. Maybe this is not what I want.

I can't come to my senses to accept the fact that I love hiding things that perceive my pursuit of perfection. I feel like a hypocrite, I hate myself.

We all want to be happy, but we never are. People are easily satisfied, and easily content, but never happy. What is happy?

We make sacrifices, some weighing more than others, some less. But really, are they all worth it? How do you deem one as a worthy sacrifice to be made? Is it because they will love you more? Is it because they will cherish you more? Is it because they will look at you differently?

I rationalize the world too much, which is why I can never be like a normal and ordinary human being. I believe I know the world at heart, and that I can judge people based on first impressions solely. Am I right? I don't know, but I know I am not wrong either.

Rationalization makes me believe that there is a better world out there, not like now. Where better people live in, where two people meet and fall in love, where they live and eclipse the rest of humanity, where there is a feeling that speaks for itself, where intricacy is on the other side of the wall, where love is not bounded by the obligations that we do everyday as human beings, where love can be just love between these two people, nothing more, nothing less.

I like the saying "You need two to tango". Because that really says it all doesn't it?

Ken

Sometimes I think I'm in over my head in everything I do. Life has never been a kind teacher to me, but yeah, it has been a good one. Nurturing me to be the person that I am today, and realizing things that the ordinary person might not see with their eyes wide open.

I believe I have a much more intricate, but unique mindset as compared to everyone else around me. I think I have that perspective that makes everything the difference in life. It is not obtained as per birth, but only learnt through life-changing experiences.

A lot of people may not realize the things I already have, but yeah, I guess that's life. No flower is ever the same, some bloom faster than the others, and some slower. I dare say I'm a quick bloomer, coz' I have embraced life, and much more.

People need to realize things and see things from a perspective where they'll ultimately put themselves at, at the end of the day. I guess not everyone is like me, and I am not like everyone else. I am different. I am me. I believe life is about the important people that plays a role in my life. The others, I don't think I could be bothered.

I think I'm a little selfish and absurd into thinking that way, but trust me, at the end of the day when you look back at everything, you'll realize that you've wasted much more of your time spent on pleasing and entertaining people you didn't have to, than live life and make that someone important in your life happy.

Yeah, I speak as though I'm 70. But hey, call me an imbecile and I'll call you the devil.

I guess I only try to make the people I care about happy, and I don't think that has ever put me on the wrong foot even once. Sometimes all it takes is perfecting the simplicities of life, the simplicities of everything, every second, every moment in what you do or who are you directing it to; to make that one person flash a smile across his/her face. And sometimes, that makes all the difference in life.

It's getting late, I need rest. Nights people, if there's anyone reading that is. Oh well, every second, every moment, every little thing, is different from the other. A difference in each of it, makes a difference in the next, and the difference in the next, would take its place in altering your entire life and the people you care about. One moment, is all it takes to make or break something, to flood thoughts into one's head, to instill happiness or sadness into someone; uggh, you get the picture. Toodles.

Ken

The girlfriend has been a pig today. Some what of 14 hours of sleep, then again, it's much needed sleep on her part, considering that she doesn't sleep much during college days. Today has been rather wasted, as usual. Woke up, got myself a hair-cut (it's so short!), watched Failure to Launch on DVD and here I am now, stoning. Sniffles.

The girlfriend is having her "therapy" session in which she'll end up with dark circles all over her body, but no matter, I still love her just as much. <3

I think I smell pretty bad, considering I haven't showered since morning, but yeah, I'm too lazy to even get a shower sometimes. Oh well, I guess I should head to the bathroom sooner rather than later. But knowing me, the latter would always be chosen.

Tomorrow is the 18th, meaning four would be a lucky number in my book. High School Musical on Ice as well with the girlfriend tomorrow. Baby, bring Skittles! Twinkles is so emo-ing. Haha.

I should really get a shower now. I stink. Pfft. Byes.

Ken

I think I've got personality disorder sometimes. Hmm, oh well. I guess I am a person that lives by myself most of the time. When I'm sad, I'm not afraid to hide it. I may be sad over one thing, but I won't put a mask and live on and talk to other people as if I'm not. Neither do I do so when I'm happy, I mean if I'm happy and there isn't anything that upsets me, why should I bother making myself worried about things or people that don't play a huge role in my life. Yeah, I may be concerned, and may be a little sympathetic, but that doesn't mean I'll have to live how that person lives.

So don't judge me for who I am. Judge me for what I am not.

Ken

I've finally got the storyline, and I must say it is much better than the others that I have come up with in the past.

Hopefully my writing wouldn't be too shabby and rusty. Oh well, we'll see. =D

Ken

Alanis Morissette's song 'Ironic' is very, well ironic. Hehe.

Some quotes :


"An old man turned 98, he won the lottery, and died the next day".

"It's like rain on your wedding day, it's a free ride when you've already paid, it's the good advice that you just didn't take".

"Traffic jam when you're already late, a no smoking sign on your cigarette break".

"It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, it's like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife".

"Isn't it ironic, don't you think?"

Ken

Was reading blogs when I came across this, and I found it oh so true :


"No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by work.

No one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice".

Drops of Jupiter

As I lie here right next to you, I try to adhere myself towards the person that I long for despite the surreptitious and abrupt movements when you breathe. I here it in me, I hear it in you, my heart beats robustly but I feel feeble at the same time. I cannot contemplate this feeling any longer, for you have taken my breath away.

It's funny how therapeutic this seems when I lay my head on your chest, hearing the pounding beats of your heart, it just makes me feel nonchalant. But when you start to stroke my hair gingerly, then you put on that smile that seems oh so familiar, I cannot help myself to give in to that impetuous glance of your amiable eyes.

The world around us seemed apathetic, but I guess that's how it has always been when we would just stare at each other under the gloomy night sky next to the hillside and appease ourselves with simple smiles of captivated feelings. It would then seem funny as I look back to see how indolent we were towards the obscure world around us back then. But now, all there's left is a memory which now seems all so erroneous and deceitful.

However, the concealed part of my soul, the exhilarated part of my heart, the captivated part of my mind, just wants every night to be exactly the way those nights were. I still could not forget how imperative your presence was when you set foot onto my heart, how your eminent and profound actions transfixed themselves into my soul. You have become a part of me, and thou has brought me to celestial feats.

Despite the fact that you had to leave, you have left me in a rather startled state where I cannot comprehend on why must you go away. The zest that I long for, the desire of relishing myself back into your arms seems all but an absurd desire that would never be fulfilled. The fundamentals of holding this feeling inside of me had just been imprudently destroyed and thus, I have nothing left other than the memory of what could have been...

Love.

Drops of Jupiter

3 days to go till I would most definitely panic. Pfft. I need professional guidance and advice, seriously.

Darling, I miss you. <3

Okays, I must not slack anymore. Tomorrow, I'm a changed person. Pfft. Or so I think I would be. =/



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