40 Kinds of Sadness

Sometimes I get myself into such a dilemma.

Apart of me wants the person I write about in my bloggies to know that it's them I'm talking about, but there's this other part of me which doesn't want them to know that I'm talking about them.

Sighs, the things I put myself through.

Sometimes I wish people are more attentive and less apathetic in my life.

But hey, I can't ask for much more than what I have now, oh wait, I think I can.

Why? Coz' I've got nothing.

Hmm, the day you stepped out of my life changed everything that's happened.

Everything for the past 3 and a half years.

The times we used to cherish and share.

The times we spent together, just you and me.

Those are the times I would never forget.

For when there's that extra person, it just distorts everything.

Like how the stars and the moon shine brightly at night, imagine suddenly from nowhere the sun comes out.

Distorting isn't it?

Sighs, if only girls were more serious in relationships and much more attentive to whom they care for the most.

The only girl I've seen done that whom I know is you, baybe.

Coz' you never let anyone step in between us.

You know how I feel knowing your amiable presence attracts many people, but you always assure me with the times we spent alone together.

Be it yc-ing, strolling in the park, watching movies, cuddling each other, holding hands while shopping, having dinners or even just resting your head on my shoulders.

Those are what made me sure that your feelings towards what we had was rather special, coz' you were the only one who will sacrifice just about anything to be there when I needed you most.

And that was what made me whole.

For I knew, that no matter what, I'm special to you, I'm different from the other people, I meant something significant to you, and most of all, I knew that you loved me that much compared to the other people around you.

You knew how to allocate your time for me, be it sacrificing time with your friends, coz' you knew that I'm quite a needy person whom would love spending time with the person whom I truly care for.

That's why I never have doubted you, baybe.

Coz' you always tell me what's going on, where were you goin and who you would be goin with.

Especially you know my heart easily tends to get that little bit of jealousy, and that's when you made me feel special again. You always have, and I can say that now, it is my loss for not having you around anymore.

Coz' no other person (girls in particular) in my life, knows how to care for their loved ones the way it should be.

What's having a boyfriend when all you do is talk to him and go out with other guys?

What's having a girlfriend when you're only interested in showing off on how pretty she is?

What's having a boyfriend when you can communicate well with him but you treat everyone else the same way?

What's having a girlfriend when you know that you don't truly have feelings for her?

What's having a boyfriend when you treat every other guy in your life with the same amount of care, attention and affection? Doesn't he mean something special to you?

What's having a girlfriend when you know you still will flirt with other girls?

What's having a boyfriend/girlfriend when you keep so many other friends close to you? Do you think you can find an adequate amount of time to be there for him/her?

These are questions I ask, why?

Coz' it's what's happening right now, in front of my face.

I really want to know the answers.

Coz' I don't know what the people in my life think.

Geez, wish baybe was back here. Then I wouldn't have to cope with this shit everyday and I could tell myself how lucky I am to have found arguably the best girlfriend one could ever find.


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