Ken

"I'm miserable."

"You always have been miserable. What's the difference now?"

"Nothing. I just thought of telling you that to satisfy your sleepless conscious which tells you I may not be miserable. Of course there's a difference. Everything is different."

"Just because you want to be miserable in the form that things never change doesn't mean that things will not change. You can be miserable then and you are miserable now, but the fact is things will always change, people change, life changes."

"Really, then explain the damn pain I'm feeling now! You people always think I was miserable, I looked miserable, I dressed miserable, I needed misery. You're wrong! Sometimes in life there's more to being happy, it's being content. Content with who you are, content with things as the way they are and content with everything around you. Change is never for the better yet people change. Why? Because they are not content, they're not even close. Misery is just an excuse to hide the fact that people can never be content with their own lives."

"People change because they are miserable and, or content. That doesn't change anything."

"Yet it changes everything. See the irony?"

"So what are you telling me now? You're miserable because you're not content, or you're miserable because the person you love can never be content?"

"Oh, don't go there. This has nothing to do with love."

"Really? Then why are you telling me all this?"

"Because...I'm content, but I'm miserable. You do the math."

"If...If you think that you're miserable and she is not, then I guess...it changes everything."

"Exactly."

"People rely on other people. They need other people. I guess when you're content you've basically have nothing else to live for...except for the people you're content with and not yourself. Wow, I've never looked at it that way before."

"Life sucks, huh?"

"Yeah...Oh my God, have you been feeling this way all the time?"

"Misery is just another word of saying 'I'm not happy', what people don't see is that it also says 'I am content'. That's the beauty of it."

"So what're you going to do about it?"

"I'm the anchor that's pulling the ship down, I always have been. Everything else makes her happy, I make her happy too."

"But you're not content with happy."

"Everyone else doesn't upset her, I make her sad. Do you know what an ideal life is?"

"Having a beautiful wife, great kids, a satisfying job, and a normal life?"

"You idiot. It's having the person you want the most, and just forgetting about everything else. Society is screwed up. Everyone else is screwed up. An ideal life is when you put aside everything else and just...live with the one you love."

"Not everyone can get that you know. You're miserable...Wait a minute, you're not even content. You want that, meaning you're not content with what you have right now."

"You're missing my point! I'm in pain! You think I'm not content because I want something more! The fact is I already have that. The only part that is incomplete is the..."

"Other half..."

"Go home. Go back to your wife, get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Change. Misery needs company. Maybe it's time to let go."

Ken

I feel like I'm dying. I don't know what I want, what I'm searching for, what is this, what everything means.

Options are not really options, there is no solution.

Maybe I don't make the right choices, maybe I don't take on the right paths, maybe I don't make the best of decisions.

I strive for perfection, every little bit of it. I imagine it, I picture it, I want it, but perfection itself may be imperfect. I might not know, maybe that is not what I want. Maybe this is not what I want.

I can't come to my senses to accept the fact that I love hiding things that perceive my pursuit of perfection. I feel like a hypocrite, I hate myself.

We all want to be happy, but we never are. People are easily satisfied, and easily content, but never happy. What is happy?

We make sacrifices, some weighing more than others, some less. But really, are they all worth it? How do you deem one as a worthy sacrifice to be made? Is it because they will love you more? Is it because they will cherish you more? Is it because they will look at you differently?

I rationalize the world too much, which is why I can never be like a normal and ordinary human being. I believe I know the world at heart, and that I can judge people based on first impressions solely. Am I right? I don't know, but I know I am not wrong either.

Rationalization makes me believe that there is a better world out there, not like now. Where better people live in, where two people meet and fall in love, where they live and eclipse the rest of humanity, where there is a feeling that speaks for itself, where intricacy is on the other side of the wall, where love is not bounded by the obligations that we do everyday as human beings, where love can be just love between these two people, nothing more, nothing less.

I like the saying "You need two to tango". Because that really says it all doesn't it?