Okay, I supposed to be on hiatus, but heys.
Just wanna wish everyone Happy Mooncake Festival !
>=D
Enjoy the night, and yeah, candles are just such an amiable view to behold.
Toodles.
==================================
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
* Neonie's on hiatus at the moment, indefinite hiatus timing by the way *
Thanks for reading if you had, but whatever. Toodles. =)
==================================
Thanks for reading if you had, but whatever. Toodles. =)
==================================
Sunday, September 23, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
Sometimes I get myself into such a dilemma.
Apart of me wants the person I write about in my bloggies to know that it's them I'm talking about, but there's this other part of me which doesn't want them to know that I'm talking about them.
Sighs, the things I put myself through.
Sometimes I wish people are more attentive and less apathetic in my life.
But hey, I can't ask for much more than what I have now, oh wait, I think I can.
Why? Coz' I've got nothing.
Hmm, the day you stepped out of my life changed everything that's happened.
Everything for the past 3 and a half years.
The times we used to cherish and share.
The times we spent together, just you and me.
Those are the times I would never forget.
For when there's that extra person, it just distorts everything.
Like how the stars and the moon shine brightly at night, imagine suddenly from nowhere the sun comes out.
Distorting isn't it?
Sighs, if only girls were more serious in relationships and much more attentive to whom they care for the most.
The only girl I've seen done that whom I know is you, baybe.
Coz' you never let anyone step in between us.
You know how I feel knowing your amiable presence attracts many people, but you always assure me with the times we spent alone together.
Be it yc-ing, strolling in the park, watching movies, cuddling each other, holding hands while shopping, having dinners or even just resting your head on my shoulders.
Those are what made me sure that your feelings towards what we had was rather special, coz' you were the only one who will sacrifice just about anything to be there when I needed you most.
And that was what made me whole.
For I knew, that no matter what, I'm special to you, I'm different from the other people, I meant something significant to you, and most of all, I knew that you loved me that much compared to the other people around you.
You knew how to allocate your time for me, be it sacrificing time with your friends, coz' you knew that I'm quite a needy person whom would love spending time with the person whom I truly care for.
That's why I never have doubted you, baybe.
Coz' you always tell me what's going on, where were you goin and who you would be goin with.
Especially you know my heart easily tends to get that little bit of jealousy, and that's when you made me feel special again. You always have, and I can say that now, it is my loss for not having you around anymore.
Coz' no other person (girls in particular) in my life, knows how to care for their loved ones the way it should be.
What's having a boyfriend when all you do is talk to him and go out with other guys?
What's having a girlfriend when you're only interested in showing off on how pretty she is?
What's having a boyfriend when you can communicate well with him but you treat everyone else the same way?
What's having a girlfriend when you know that you don't truly have feelings for her?
What's having a boyfriend when you treat every other guy in your life with the same amount of care, attention and affection? Doesn't he mean something special to you?
What's having a girlfriend when you know you still will flirt with other girls?
What's having a boyfriend/girlfriend when you keep so many other friends close to you? Do you think you can find an adequate amount of time to be there for him/her?
These are questions I ask, why?
Coz' it's what's happening right now, in front of my face.
I really want to know the answers.
Coz' I don't know what the people in my life think.
Geez, wish baybe was back here. Then I wouldn't have to cope with this shit everyday and I could tell myself how lucky I am to have found arguably the best girlfriend one could ever find.
==================================
Apart of me wants the person I write about in my bloggies to know that it's them I'm talking about, but there's this other part of me which doesn't want them to know that I'm talking about them.
Sighs, the things I put myself through.
Sometimes I wish people are more attentive and less apathetic in my life.
But hey, I can't ask for much more than what I have now, oh wait, I think I can.
Why? Coz' I've got nothing.
Hmm, the day you stepped out of my life changed everything that's happened.
Everything for the past 3 and a half years.
The times we used to cherish and share.
The times we spent together, just you and me.
Those are the times I would never forget.
For when there's that extra person, it just distorts everything.
Like how the stars and the moon shine brightly at night, imagine suddenly from nowhere the sun comes out.
Distorting isn't it?
Sighs, if only girls were more serious in relationships and much more attentive to whom they care for the most.
The only girl I've seen done that whom I know is you, baybe.
Coz' you never let anyone step in between us.
You know how I feel knowing your amiable presence attracts many people, but you always assure me with the times we spent alone together.
Be it yc-ing, strolling in the park, watching movies, cuddling each other, holding hands while shopping, having dinners or even just resting your head on my shoulders.
Those are what made me sure that your feelings towards what we had was rather special, coz' you were the only one who will sacrifice just about anything to be there when I needed you most.
And that was what made me whole.
For I knew, that no matter what, I'm special to you, I'm different from the other people, I meant something significant to you, and most of all, I knew that you loved me that much compared to the other people around you.
You knew how to allocate your time for me, be it sacrificing time with your friends, coz' you knew that I'm quite a needy person whom would love spending time with the person whom I truly care for.
That's why I never have doubted you, baybe.
Coz' you always tell me what's going on, where were you goin and who you would be goin with.
Especially you know my heart easily tends to get that little bit of jealousy, and that's when you made me feel special again. You always have, and I can say that now, it is my loss for not having you around anymore.
Coz' no other person (girls in particular) in my life, knows how to care for their loved ones the way it should be.
What's having a boyfriend when all you do is talk to him and go out with other guys?
What's having a girlfriend when you're only interested in showing off on how pretty she is?
What's having a boyfriend when you can communicate well with him but you treat everyone else the same way?
What's having a girlfriend when you know that you don't truly have feelings for her?
What's having a boyfriend when you treat every other guy in your life with the same amount of care, attention and affection? Doesn't he mean something special to you?
What's having a girlfriend when you know you still will flirt with other girls?
What's having a boyfriend/girlfriend when you keep so many other friends close to you? Do you think you can find an adequate amount of time to be there for him/her?
These are questions I ask, why?
Coz' it's what's happening right now, in front of my face.
I really want to know the answers.
Coz' I don't know what the people in my life think.
Geez, wish baybe was back here. Then I wouldn't have to cope with this shit everyday and I could tell myself how lucky I am to have found arguably the best girlfriend one could ever find.
==================================
40 Kinds of Sadness
Sometimes I wonder, whether is it a necessity to love someone and to be loved.
Whether sometimes is it a must, and the vitality of longing somewhere.
Countless times I feel that I long to be loved, even despite the fact that baybe was here for the past couple of years.
Maybe I was too pampered, or I took her presence for granted.
Coz' now I wonder, how true is all this when the things you do doesn't justify anything that you say. I just couldn't come to comprehend what is going on at times.
I wonder, am I in a dream? Am I facing this reality like an absurd, ignorant vagabond?
There's no point in me saying anything now, coz' whatever it is, it isn't how it used to be.
I wonder if this is going anywhere, or we're stuck at where we started, or I wonder, did we even take a step outside of these 4 walls or not.
I hate wondering and pondering upon things, for they never lead me anywhere and tend to bring me astray.
But sometimes I just can't help myself when you do these kind of things.
It really makes me wonder, what kind of person are you?
If everything and everyone means that much to you, then what am I to you? Probably just another puppet on your wall, I wonder? Hmm.
Coz' I can never see what is going on, for you never talk to me about these things.
And even if you do, it always ends up hurting me that little more than it did the last time.
And so I wonder, how much more of this I can take.
Seriously, what or who am I to you?
I wonder, if things will change. I wonder, if maybe one day someone might actually love me as the likeliness of baybe for the past 3years. I wonder, if you would ever know how I feel when this happens one too many times.
In truthful fact, I wonder if you even read this. But I don't bother.
I just don't understand some people's actions, they can be hurtful, distorting, and even unbelievable at times.
Well, it's not easy to understand people. You may think you've known that person for your whole life, but they'll never tend to surprise you with actions you never thought could even suffice in their minds.
Those actions that hurt you so much, that you would even question their sincerity behind all those years of everything.
I wonder, how do people live these kinda lives?
I really admire them, for they can put on several masks when dealing with several people.
It's just so amazing what they can do and how they can lie to you straight in your face and come back and tell you that what he said was true.
Tsk tsk, I've been hurt uncountable times by people whom I think I could place my trust on, guess I was wrong.
But now I know that, those people are ones I cannot trust, and despite the fact of what they did to me, I still wonder am I a fool to still talk with them everyday of my life?
Despite that, I shall be the one who gives in, be the modest one and definitely not stir up any sort of unwanted attention.
For despite what all of you had done to me, I had never uttered a word to the people who eventually are gonna end up like me after they know you people long enough.
Why? Because I'm not that sadistic of a person, I don't go around screwing up people's lives and relationships like what you people did to me.
Although after what you did to me is uncomprehendable by most standards, but I feel that there's a time where you would change, all of you.
And although after what you people did to me, other people who don't know the truth behind all this come and tell me what great human beings you people are and sometimes even take pity on you all when you all put on your masks to draw attention to people.
Hypocrites, I wonder, how long can you people live this way?
Is there no feeling of guilt on what you people do everyday?
Or maybe the satisfaction of getting things done your way just defeats all other feelings within you?
I seriously wonder.
Sighs, one moment when I see you people, you're all smiling and laughing. The next when I'm talking to someone else, they tell me that you people are extremely depressed and sad.
It makes me sick to look at you people and how you infect their lives with hypocricy.
I just can't believe that you people would even resort to something this low to get someone to like you, or to get attention, or just for the sake of wanting other people to be close to you.
It's just sickening.
I wonder, do I really deserve all this kinda crap?
I wonder, why do I still associate with these bastards and bitches whom I see every single day of my friggin' life?
I wonder, will one day anyone ever know the truth behind those masks, or will I just be the only one?
But even if I am, I will never speak of it, for the more that I do, the deeper these wounds are gonna get, for there's too much hypocricy goin' around.
I wonder, how do you do things like you do now and tell someone else that you're feeling otherwise?
Baybe,
I wonder, will I ever get to see you again?
I wonder, will anyone love me like the way you did?
Sighs, I wonder, do I even deserve to be loved at all?
==================================
Whether sometimes is it a must, and the vitality of longing somewhere.
Countless times I feel that I long to be loved, even despite the fact that baybe was here for the past couple of years.
Maybe I was too pampered, or I took her presence for granted.
Coz' now I wonder, how true is all this when the things you do doesn't justify anything that you say. I just couldn't come to comprehend what is going on at times.
I wonder, am I in a dream? Am I facing this reality like an absurd, ignorant vagabond?
There's no point in me saying anything now, coz' whatever it is, it isn't how it used to be.
I wonder if this is going anywhere, or we're stuck at where we started, or I wonder, did we even take a step outside of these 4 walls or not.
I hate wondering and pondering upon things, for they never lead me anywhere and tend to bring me astray.
But sometimes I just can't help myself when you do these kind of things.
It really makes me wonder, what kind of person are you?
If everything and everyone means that much to you, then what am I to you? Probably just another puppet on your wall, I wonder? Hmm.
Coz' I can never see what is going on, for you never talk to me about these things.
And even if you do, it always ends up hurting me that little more than it did the last time.
And so I wonder, how much more of this I can take.
Seriously, what or who am I to you?
I wonder, if things will change. I wonder, if maybe one day someone might actually love me as the likeliness of baybe for the past 3years. I wonder, if you would ever know how I feel when this happens one too many times.
In truthful fact, I wonder if you even read this. But I don't bother.
I just don't understand some people's actions, they can be hurtful, distorting, and even unbelievable at times.
Well, it's not easy to understand people. You may think you've known that person for your whole life, but they'll never tend to surprise you with actions you never thought could even suffice in their minds.
Those actions that hurt you so much, that you would even question their sincerity behind all those years of everything.
I wonder, how do people live these kinda lives?
I really admire them, for they can put on several masks when dealing with several people.
It's just so amazing what they can do and how they can lie to you straight in your face and come back and tell you that what he said was true.
Tsk tsk, I've been hurt uncountable times by people whom I think I could place my trust on, guess I was wrong.
But now I know that, those people are ones I cannot trust, and despite the fact of what they did to me, I still wonder am I a fool to still talk with them everyday of my life?
Despite that, I shall be the one who gives in, be the modest one and definitely not stir up any sort of unwanted attention.
For despite what all of you had done to me, I had never uttered a word to the people who eventually are gonna end up like me after they know you people long enough.
Why? Because I'm not that sadistic of a person, I don't go around screwing up people's lives and relationships like what you people did to me.
Although after what you did to me is uncomprehendable by most standards, but I feel that there's a time where you would change, all of you.
And although after what you people did to me, other people who don't know the truth behind all this come and tell me what great human beings you people are and sometimes even take pity on you all when you all put on your masks to draw attention to people.
Hypocrites, I wonder, how long can you people live this way?
Is there no feeling of guilt on what you people do everyday?
Or maybe the satisfaction of getting things done your way just defeats all other feelings within you?
I seriously wonder.
Sighs, one moment when I see you people, you're all smiling and laughing. The next when I'm talking to someone else, they tell me that you people are extremely depressed and sad.
It makes me sick to look at you people and how you infect their lives with hypocricy.
I just can't believe that you people would even resort to something this low to get someone to like you, or to get attention, or just for the sake of wanting other people to be close to you.
It's just sickening.
I wonder, do I really deserve all this kinda crap?
I wonder, why do I still associate with these bastards and bitches whom I see every single day of my friggin' life?
I wonder, will one day anyone ever know the truth behind those masks, or will I just be the only one?
But even if I am, I will never speak of it, for the more that I do, the deeper these wounds are gonna get, for there's too much hypocricy goin' around.
I wonder, how do you do things like you do now and tell someone else that you're feeling otherwise?
Baybe,
I wonder, will I ever get to see you again?
I wonder, will anyone love me like the way you did?
Sighs, I wonder, do I even deserve to be loved at all?
==================================
Saturday, September 22, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
This marks the 9th post for the 9th month of the year.
However, be it a special post, it is a saddening one though, just like all the other posts in this bloggie.
Hmm, I lost something valuable, not in it's measures of pricing.
But valuable to me in some other way, sentimentally mind you.
Couldn't imagine it being lost as I kept it so close to me all the time.
How close? It's strapped to my phone damn it.
And to thought that one day it would go missing just makes me wonder what a fool I would be. Guess that's what happened now. Sighs.
How could I have been so careless?
How could I be so unattentive?
Sighs, guess it's my fault that the teddy's gone.
Oh gosh, wish I could just rewind everything and keep it in my pocket.
>=(
I'm awfully pissed right now, rather sad too.
Sighs, of all things to go missing, why does it have to be that?
Arrrggghhh, I need help !
==================================
However, be it a special post, it is a saddening one though, just like all the other posts in this bloggie.
Hmm, I lost something valuable, not in it's measures of pricing.
But valuable to me in some other way, sentimentally mind you.
Couldn't imagine it being lost as I kept it so close to me all the time.
How close? It's strapped to my phone damn it.
And to thought that one day it would go missing just makes me wonder what a fool I would be. Guess that's what happened now. Sighs.
How could I have been so careless?
How could I be so unattentive?
Sighs, guess it's my fault that the teddy's gone.
Oh gosh, wish I could just rewind everything and keep it in my pocket.
>=(
I'm awfully pissed right now, rather sad too.
Sighs, of all things to go missing, why does it have to be that?
Arrrggghhh, I need help !
==================================
Thursday, September 20, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
Yet another day goes by.
I've done nothin'. Well, almost nothing.
I've just realized that I'm quite a lucky person myself. Helped my friend play Blackjack at school and he's won over 700bucks.
Yes, no mistake. 700 bucks, and mostly thanks to my hands. =D
Well, I've been blasted by my mum on my current phone bill. RM 179.91.
Gosh, don't even know what I'm doing with my phone.
Over a thousand sms-es a month. @_@
Hmm, I've got exams in 2weeks. Yet again, I'm not prepared.
Oh well, whatever. Not like I'm gonna be so paranoid bout' it.
Aites, guess that's all for today. Back to my messaging. Nitez.
==================================
I've done nothin'. Well, almost nothing.
I've just realized that I'm quite a lucky person myself. Helped my friend play Blackjack at school and he's won over 700bucks.
Yes, no mistake. 700 bucks, and mostly thanks to my hands. =D
Well, I've been blasted by my mum on my current phone bill. RM 179.91.
Gosh, don't even know what I'm doing with my phone.
Over a thousand sms-es a month. @_@
Hmm, I've got exams in 2weeks. Yet again, I'm not prepared.
Oh well, whatever. Not like I'm gonna be so paranoid bout' it.
Aites, guess that's all for today. Back to my messaging. Nitez.
==================================
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
Somehow I'm addicted to Linkin Park's Bleed It Out. @_@
Weird, but never mind.
Hmmm, things seems rather stoned now. I just feel lazy to do anything and I'm procrastinating practically everything.
Do I need a change?
Maybe, SPM's another 50days or so.
Should I be worried?
Well, I doubt I should. I mean everyone should just chill and take it easy rather than get stressed out about it. =)
6A's 2B's 1C' and 1E' ain't too bad for trials if you look at it from my perspective.
I mean I didn't touch a book at all, as in seriously.
Hmm, still again, Add Maths proves to be sucky. Gosh.
What must I do now?
Hmmm, think I'll just stone it out till the end of the year.
Oh gosh baybe, I miss you during times like these. =/
==================================
Weird, but never mind.
Hmmm, things seems rather stoned now. I just feel lazy to do anything and I'm procrastinating practically everything.
Do I need a change?
Maybe, SPM's another 50days or so.
Should I be worried?
Well, I doubt I should. I mean everyone should just chill and take it easy rather than get stressed out about it. =)
6A's 2B's 1C' and 1E' ain't too bad for trials if you look at it from my perspective.
I mean I didn't touch a book at all, as in seriously.
Hmm, still again, Add Maths proves to be sucky. Gosh.
What must I do now?
Hmmm, think I'll just stone it out till the end of the year.
Oh gosh baybe, I miss you during times like these. =/
==================================
Friday, September 14, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
Now I really feel 40 kinds of sadness. T_T
Hmmm, you know what sucks?
Being dragged into something by someone until it reaches a point where you thought you can trust that person just that little bit more to be adequate to sustain something and then realize that person just left you there stranded like an imbecile.
Yeah, that's how I feel now.
I knew it was coming, but why was I so stupid to just continue?
Even if it wasn't coming now, it will eventually happen for I could tell your feelings were always feeble and you are easily moved by people.
I can't blame you for that, and sometimes it makes me wonder whether it's just me.
But for some whatsoever reason, I could never come to a decision on it.
Sighs, words are hurtful.
Not what people say, but it's what they don't say is what hurts you.
You can tell someone you love that person, but do you truly and dearly mean it?
You can tell someone you would spend the rest of eternity with that person, but do you really mean it?
I don't know what to believe in now.
I guess I can't trust your words no more. It's saddening to you, but it's even more saddening for me.
To place that amount of trust in you, and to thought that you had a robust feeling towards what we had, guess I was just wrong.
I can never understand flower-hearted people.
I mean how can you love someone one day and love another the next?
If that is how you people define love, then please, get to know life a hell lot more.
Coz' coz' you just don't feel anything when you get yourself into these predicaments.
Neither do you people care for what the other party is thinking.
Which in turn leads to this, if you don't even care what's on the other person's mind, how the heck can you say you love that person?
Is love all about money, cars, attention, popularity and show-offs?
Oh please, get a life. This really pisses me off just seeing people who don't care for each other being together just of the thought that having a girlfriend or a boyfriend is cool.
I'd rather be single than to be stuck up with some bitch who would be bitching about having a boyfriend. I mean hello, would you like get the hell out of here?
Sighs, I'm lost with my post now.
Whatever la, not like you would care also.
Hmmm, wonder if anyone actually reads but never mind.
I'm just blogging to clear my mind so whatever la.
Let's quote something to end the post.
" When you tell me that you love me, but those are just words, you can tell me you don't need me, and I know that hurts... "
Be happy wherever you are, and in whatever you do, you deserve so much better.
==================================
Hmmm, you know what sucks?
Being dragged into something by someone until it reaches a point where you thought you can trust that person just that little bit more to be adequate to sustain something and then realize that person just left you there stranded like an imbecile.
Yeah, that's how I feel now.
I knew it was coming, but why was I so stupid to just continue?
Even if it wasn't coming now, it will eventually happen for I could tell your feelings were always feeble and you are easily moved by people.
I can't blame you for that, and sometimes it makes me wonder whether it's just me.
But for some whatsoever reason, I could never come to a decision on it.
Sighs, words are hurtful.
Not what people say, but it's what they don't say is what hurts you.
You can tell someone you love that person, but do you truly and dearly mean it?
You can tell someone you would spend the rest of eternity with that person, but do you really mean it?
I don't know what to believe in now.
I guess I can't trust your words no more. It's saddening to you, but it's even more saddening for me.
To place that amount of trust in you, and to thought that you had a robust feeling towards what we had, guess I was just wrong.
I can never understand flower-hearted people.
I mean how can you love someone one day and love another the next?
If that is how you people define love, then please, get to know life a hell lot more.
Coz' coz' you just don't feel anything when you get yourself into these predicaments.
Neither do you people care for what the other party is thinking.
Which in turn leads to this, if you don't even care what's on the other person's mind, how the heck can you say you love that person?
Is love all about money, cars, attention, popularity and show-offs?
Oh please, get a life. This really pisses me off just seeing people who don't care for each other being together just of the thought that having a girlfriend or a boyfriend is cool.
I'd rather be single than to be stuck up with some bitch who would be bitching about having a boyfriend. I mean hello, would you like get the hell out of here?
Sighs, I'm lost with my post now.
Whatever la, not like you would care also.
Hmmm, wonder if anyone actually reads but never mind.
I'm just blogging to clear my mind so whatever la.
Let's quote something to end the post.
" When you tell me that you love me, but those are just words, you can tell me you don't need me, and I know that hurts... "
Be happy wherever you are, and in whatever you do, you deserve so much better.
==================================
Thursday, September 13, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
Sighs, could you make it more obvious?
The extra late replies but very short message lengths?
I can now be sure that it isn't me, and that what I assume is true.
Yet again, I'm left here all alone.
No, I'm not asking for sympathy, so don't give me any.
What a screwed up life.
==================================
The extra late replies but very short message lengths?
I can now be sure that it isn't me, and that what I assume is true.
Yet again, I'm left here all alone.
No, I'm not asking for sympathy, so don't give me any.
What a screwed up life.
==================================
40 Kinds of Sadness
What a screwed up day. Sighs, had a torn blister on my leg and knowing that my Biology only scored 9/60 is rather upsetting.
But hey, there are some brighter days ahead I'm sure, so why bother anyway.
Hmm, I can feel that we're not as close as how we used to be these past few days.
Somehow, I can tell, but then, I ain't sure of it.
The considered late replies for me, and the very lack of attention you seek from me and the messages that you sent to me earlier, made it clear that I'm not the only one, am I not?
Well, it doesn't matter, coz' it is not in my reach to stop you from feeling this way.
I never seem to get things right whenever I want to, but I always tend to overdo things whenever the time isn't right.
Sometimes I wonder, what kind of friends do I have.
They seldom wish me on my birthday for starters.
They never wish me luck during my exams (although I have alloy, but don't have to be like that la), whereas I have to be the one sms-ing like 20+ people at a time and some don't even reply, but I still don't get bothered by it.
They seldom ask about how I'm doing and what do I do in my life.
They have never asked about my feelings.
They have never spared time for me (or yet I think that way).
Hmm, maybe it's me just being this way. Or is it?
I hope it's just me, for I wouldn't want to know if it isn't.
Anyhow, I feel something's wrong now. I'm sure you feel that way too.
But then, I hope we'll get to know soon what is it.
Maybe you already do, for you have even asked me what I feared you would say. Tsk tsk, I shouldn't be thinking too much.
But I just can't help to know that despite this, you have come to turn your back and walk away.
Funny how that sounds, coz' I'm sorta like feeling that song from Westlife and Mariah Carey, "Against All Odds".
Arrghh, whatever la. It's not like I can do anything too, and I hate to force people to like me.
Guess that's all for today.
==================================
But hey, there are some brighter days ahead I'm sure, so why bother anyway.
Hmm, I can feel that we're not as close as how we used to be these past few days.
Somehow, I can tell, but then, I ain't sure of it.
The considered late replies for me, and the very lack of attention you seek from me and the messages that you sent to me earlier, made it clear that I'm not the only one, am I not?
Well, it doesn't matter, coz' it is not in my reach to stop you from feeling this way.
I never seem to get things right whenever I want to, but I always tend to overdo things whenever the time isn't right.
Sometimes I wonder, what kind of friends do I have.
They seldom wish me on my birthday for starters.
They never wish me luck during my exams (although I have alloy, but don't have to be like that la), whereas I have to be the one sms-ing like 20+ people at a time and some don't even reply, but I still don't get bothered by it.
They seldom ask about how I'm doing and what do I do in my life.
They have never asked about my feelings.
They have never spared time for me (or yet I think that way).
Hmm, maybe it's me just being this way. Or is it?
I hope it's just me, for I wouldn't want to know if it isn't.
Anyhow, I feel something's wrong now. I'm sure you feel that way too.
But then, I hope we'll get to know soon what is it.
Maybe you already do, for you have even asked me what I feared you would say. Tsk tsk, I shouldn't be thinking too much.
But I just can't help to know that despite this, you have come to turn your back and walk away.
Funny how that sounds, coz' I'm sorta like feeling that song from Westlife and Mariah Carey, "Against All Odds".
Arrghh, whatever la. It's not like I can do anything too, and I hate to force people to like me.
Guess that's all for today.
==================================
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
Hmm, I don't know why.
I feel like cuddling someone. As gay as that may sound, definitely someone whom I love very much.
Sighs, too bad the only person I cuddled left for London. Tsk tsk.
Now all I have is my 2 cat soft toys to cuddle.
Yeah yeah, call me whatever you want, but they're cute okay. Lalala...
Anyways, I'm eating chocolates again. Hehe, though I'm having a sore throat. @_@
Omg !
I miss my cuddle moments !
==================================
I feel like cuddling someone. As gay as that may sound, definitely someone whom I love very much.
Sighs, too bad the only person I cuddled left for London. Tsk tsk.
Now all I have is my 2 cat soft toys to cuddle.
Yeah yeah, call me whatever you want, but they're cute okay. Lalala...
Anyways, I'm eating chocolates again. Hehe, though I'm having a sore throat. @_@
Omg !
I miss my cuddle moments !
==================================
40 Kinds of Sadness
The day that you stepped out of my life, is the day I would never forget.
The day that you made me feel vulnerable, the day that you made me feel weak, the day that you made me feel lonely again.
I couldn't imagine a world without you, for I would have given you the world and so much more, but unfortunately, the feebleness of things caused this special feeling we had for each other to be casted away to the forbidden lands of the forsaken ruins.
The then feelings we had for each other somehow surreptitiously took its toll on us and eventually gave way to other people to affect our lives.
Although I must say it's not easy to have let you go after the 3years of selfless attention and care that you have shown and given to me. But I guess the thought of just not being with you for all of eternity just etches in my mind and now I just have to live with the past put behind me.
I would have never even thought that we would be apart after a year of what seems to be a real roller coaster ride of emotions. And without you telling me that you too had that same feeling, I guess we would have never gotten to where we were 5 months ago.
I missed the times we shared, the times we had together.
For you have never left my side no matter what. You were always there, prepared to catch me when I fall, hold me close when I'm slipping away, and keep me warm from the cold cold world out there.
You never left me unattended everytime we go out, and you never left my side even though I never really knew anything or everything about what was going on when we went out.
The snuggles and cuddles and pecks on the cheeks we seem to lay on each other when we said goodbye or just when the time seems right makes everything seem so worthwhile.
I guess it's never going to be the same without you.
But for my sake, and yours, I hope we'll be much happier than what we were in this last 3 years, although I couldn't argue that these 3 years has been the best of my life, undoubtedly.
==================================
The day that you made me feel vulnerable, the day that you made me feel weak, the day that you made me feel lonely again.
I couldn't imagine a world without you, for I would have given you the world and so much more, but unfortunately, the feebleness of things caused this special feeling we had for each other to be casted away to the forbidden lands of the forsaken ruins.
The then feelings we had for each other somehow surreptitiously took its toll on us and eventually gave way to other people to affect our lives.
Although I must say it's not easy to have let you go after the 3years of selfless attention and care that you have shown and given to me. But I guess the thought of just not being with you for all of eternity just etches in my mind and now I just have to live with the past put behind me.
I would have never even thought that we would be apart after a year of what seems to be a real roller coaster ride of emotions. And without you telling me that you too had that same feeling, I guess we would have never gotten to where we were 5 months ago.
I missed the times we shared, the times we had together.
For you have never left my side no matter what. You were always there, prepared to catch me when I fall, hold me close when I'm slipping away, and keep me warm from the cold cold world out there.
You never left me unattended everytime we go out, and you never left my side even though I never really knew anything or everything about what was going on when we went out.
The snuggles and cuddles and pecks on the cheeks we seem to lay on each other when we said goodbye or just when the time seems right makes everything seem so worthwhile.
I guess it's never going to be the same without you.
But for my sake, and yours, I hope we'll be much happier than what we were in this last 3 years, although I couldn't argue that these 3 years has been the best of my life, undoubtedly.
==================================
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
40 Kinds of Sadness
Okay, I'm opening up a new blog.
It has certain purposes okay, but no chatbox for this one, sadly.
But never mind, I don't really think a blog should be built around a chatbox, instead it should be built around what the author has to say about his/her life.
And for that reason, I'm making this second blog, entitled " 40 Kinds of Sadness ".
Was browsing through my songs list and it was the only one which really caught my eye among the other 437 songs.
Guess it brings a rather significant meaning to the blog too.
Till my first official post, nights people. =)
=======================================
It has certain purposes okay, but no chatbox for this one, sadly.
But never mind, I don't really think a blog should be built around a chatbox, instead it should be built around what the author has to say about his/her life.
And for that reason, I'm making this second blog, entitled " 40 Kinds of Sadness ".
Was browsing through my songs list and it was the only one which really caught my eye among the other 437 songs.
Guess it brings a rather significant meaning to the blog too.
Till my first official post, nights people. =)
=======================================
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